


A Lesson Best Learned

by cloudsarefluffy



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Based off a joke, Bc stiles is an ass, Crack, Crack Fic, Crack Treated Seriously, Derek Is So Done, Flirting, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I mean, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, No Smut, No nut november, Not Beta Read, POV Derek Hale, Pining Derek, Poor Derek, Quickie, Stiles Stilinski Being an Asshole, Stiles Stilinski is a Tease, animal facts, as serious as you can, bc it’s no nut November bois, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 02:57:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16778221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudsarefluffy/pseuds/cloudsarefluffy
Summary: The month had been a long one, with each day being a harder struggle than the last. Temptation was strong, but Derek was stronger. Stronger than the urge.Stronger than...the nut.- - -Written because of a joke made between my friends and I in which a sexual situation is plagued by someone spouting animal facts at every given turn.





	A Lesson Best Learned

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise— I’m not dead!
> 
> No, I’ve just been working a lot and have had life get up in my face. My laptop broke, and I have to replace it still, among other things. I even tried NaNoWriMo and got to about halfway before I ended up having something’s happen, and writing fell by the wayside. 
> 
> I actually plan on finishing what I started (just various little prompt fills, something I haven’t done in ages) and uploading them onto here once all is said in done. So here’s to hoping I can wrap that up!
> 
> But, in the meantime, I thought you guys would like a little mini one shot I wrote today. 
> 
> My friends and I were texting each other, and amid our shenanigans someone joked that it would be hilarious if you seduced someone with animal facts. 
> 
> After a few messages of dialogue and giggles shared, we decided to write little stories off of our skit. 
> 
> Thus, this was born. 
> 
> Decided to pay homage to this month’a act of valor, and so I made it to where Stiles tortures Derek after he tries to take on No Nut November by acting like a PornHub version of Planet Earth. 
> 
> I think it worked beautifully, albeit the sort length since I was sharing it in a group chat. 
> 
> May continue or remake this in some way, who knows. It felt good to stretch my fingertips for the first time in a good while. 
> 
> Otherwise, I’ll try and see what I can do about writing some other goodies!
> 
> Enjoy!~

The month had been a long one, with each day being a harder struggle than the last. Temptation was strong, but Derek was stronger. Stronger than the urge.

Stronger than... _the nut._

The forbidden fruit, kept at arm's length with a solemn vow of abstinence and restraint. No touch, no release. He was sentenced to thirty days of knowing what living without truly existing was going to be like.

His boyfriend, Stiles, was an asshole.

A cute asshole, but one that took pleasure in the fact his partner swore himself from it. He wanted to know— wanted to know what being a man without release was like.

And so, began the ritual. With Stiles' infinite knowledge of the world and its weirdest quirks, Stiles would begin to give his boyfriend the hardest of times, while making other things hard in the process.

It was then that Derek began to beg. For death, for mercy.

" _Anything,_ " he had cried, staring as his boyfriend decided to try on leggings for his surprise yoga session in front of the TV, "Please, just do anything so I don't fail my mission here..."

Stiles promised to not let a comrade down by forcing him up in ways he promised he would not endure, and so began his torturous teachings.

Today, Derek was shorter than usual. His month of lack was almost over, and so far he had done everything within his power to remain true to his words the moment midnight had clocked over twenty days prior.

But he was weak, now. Beaten, but not in the way he was wanting.

Stiles, sweet and cunning Stiles, knew. The bastard _always_ knew.

There was nothing he didn't know, and it was made obvious as he took his two melting scoops of vanilla ice cream up to his mouth, his tongue swirling about the softened peaks as he looked at Derek with hooded eyes.

"Did you know that shy crabs produce the most sperm?" he whispers, and a vein bulges on Derek's forehead, mirroring below like some sort of twisted Rorschach, "I bet you would too, after this."

"Fucking hate you."

"Anything with me would involving fucking at this point, wouldn't it?" Stiles teases, and he is quick to take a swipe against a drop of white cream that was running down the length of his thumb, "Turkeys can reproduce without having sex. Hope you're ready for kids, Der."

Derek's eye twitches, and the saliva he swallows is thick.

Stiles makes sure to take a long lick of his ice cream, and he leans in, some of it lingering daringly on his flushed lips, "Swarms of fruit flies are really just massive orgies."

Creaking, the wood of the table almost bows under the pain in Derek's grip, and he tries so hard not to lose himself as Stiles gets nearer.

"I need you to hold this. I'm making a mess of myself."

Stiles then grabs onto Derek's hand, taking it and placing it on the cone, just enough to where Stiles can let go and do some quick work on it, his tongue occasionally grazing the length of Derek's paled knuckles.

"Did you know," Stiles murmurs, his cheek brushing past the pad of Derek's thumb to chase after another rivulet of white, "when a bird is enjoying you stroking their feathers, it's because you're turning them on."

Derek's eyes trail hard on Stiles as he purposefully stares back.

"You love watching me suffer, don't you?" Derek hisses under a hot breath, almost shaking with restraint, "Pretty sure that's a fact, too."

"Oh, it is. But it's also a fact that you can't do anything about it, either," he is smirking, all devilish as he softly tilts his head, "You're like a bee, right now. You have sex, your dick is just gonna _explode_."

Derek inhales sharply through his nose, "Stiles..."

"Male snakes have two penises—" he starts, but Derek cuts him off.

" _Stiles,_ you're seriously fucking with my head."

At that, his smirk only grows as he moves closer to the ice cream in Derek's hand, "Velvet worms have their genitalia on their head, but if you really want a mindfuck..."

Stiles goes down on the ice cream, and Derek is left to watch as he curses quietly in reservation. Stiles keeps his eyes locked on Derek for that entire time, smiling as he works a mouthful of ice cream into his mouth when his cheeks aren't hollowed.

It's— He's—

Stiles manages to down the rest with one deep dip of his tongue into the cone.

" _Fucking—_ "

He comes off with a pop and a satisfied smile, "How ya holding up, big guy?"

Derek sheepishly looks down, and the cone of the ice cream crunches threateningly as Stiles giggles.

"Nice to see your vow is not the only thing holding strong," he teases, standing from his seat, "Remember, only three more days."

Derek throws his head back, and groans, "It's the only thing I plan to remember from any of this. I'm already so close to failing."

"You should be thankful that I'm a kind teacher," he says, chuckling as he ones to lean directly over Derek with a smile, "I could've given you a surprise oral exam."

Derek blinks, already flushing at the concept, and Stiles laughs.

With a wink, he walks away, leaving Derek to stare at him longingly, "Don't worry, if you do flunk, there's always extra credit to make up for it."

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt me here at:  
> www.sunshinexlollipops.tumblr.com/promptask


End file.
